“Feelings are not”: Does the format of a date come true after quarantine

"Feelings are not": Does the format of a date come true after quarantine

1.

To come up with an interesting script The online one needs to somehow be separated from daily video calls for work, says Andrey, 30 years old.

Clothing, place, mood, light and color help in this.

If you use all the possibilities and fantasize a little, you can create a new experience for yourself and for a partner.

“The picture and what you say is all your possibilities.

Before you is a small box, the screen is 13 inches.

Only your words and behavior will affect the course of communication.

It seems to me that this can be treated as a script.

I try to make such online meetings interesting.

As on a regular date, I like to surprise, leave the impression of this evening.

For example, I have a lamp that allows you to highlight the rear background.

It looks more interesting than the gray and yellow-piercing colors of the broadcast.

When the color changes, it becomes more interesting.

After all, the Internet is a story about holding attention – the color is one of the ways to achieve this, ”says Andrei.

“I share personal and working calls using the background.

For example, I have a working background with maps of the cities of the world, and a romantic one with a garland and flag of LGBT.

There is still a training with a synthesizer, and “intellectual” with books, ”says editor Catherine.

An online vision program can go beyond the usual conversation.

For example, you can call a girl to an online run: go to a childhood city or take a walk in your favorite tourist places.

Photo: Unsplash “I was on several online ones.

Of course, the sensations are not the same.

But the list of activities is endless: you can watch the movie – through special programs or just shake the screen in the zoom.

You can drink wine and talk.

You can also see your photos from 2008 together and laugh at your appearance.

You can take a walk together along Yandex.

Panoramas of her or your beloved city.

At the end, you can also spend the girl home there, ”says Andrei.

2.

Be yourself Online acquaintance reduces the distance and makes the usual rituals easier.

For example, it is not necessary to immediately plunge into a relationship.

And to finish them, it is enough to close the tab.

When both partners accept these rules, it is easier to relax, says editor Catherine: “I was so relaxed at home that, on the contrary, I was glad to create any image, but immediately show myself as it is.

My partner decided in the same way.

As a result, we better understood each other, in my opinion.

” A person remains on a date at Zoom if he does not like to create an artificial image of himself in ordinary life, Andrei believes: “In fact, you open your world to a person.

You can open old photos or show the browser tabs.

It’s as if you watched the pictures at home together, shared something of your own.

You can laugh at the pictures where you are not enough, for example.

” It is difficult to remain yourself if you feel tension.

In the interface of most applications for video calls there is a window where the user sees himself.

This distracts from the interlocutor and creates additional alarm, says the psychologist and founder of Alter Olga Kitaina: “Due to the fact that video communication causes a lot of stress, attention works differently-this makes a person get tired more.

This happens both in negotiations in Zoom, and during working meetings.

Even with online calls you see yourself, and for some it enhances the alarm.

There is anxiety about how I look, move and so on.

” 3.

disconnect at any time A date at Zoom or Facetime is suitable for those who are too busy for live meetings, said editor Catherine.

If something went wrong during the call, there is always the opportunity to disconnect without unnecessary explanations.

During self -isolation, when we can influence little, more and more attracts such an illusion of control in relations.

“I phoned a guy whom I swept in a dating application.

We just chatted with him, very good.

He was lying on the sofa, I was sitting at the table.

In my opinion, for lazy busy people, this is generally an ultra-legless way to understand a lot of things: how does it communicate, what it really looks like, what kind of manners he has.

The convenience is that you do not have to spend a lot of time meeting, road.

For example, if you are very busy and have fun with the swing of people in Tinder.

On online, how much I wanted, and spent so much time.

You do not have to regret that she killed the whole evening on an uninteresting person and could not sleep normally, ”says Catherine.

Communication in video format creates additional voltage.

This multiplies awkwardness from the first date.

Freedom disconnect the connection when you want, helps reduce overall alarm.

“When you turn off the camera after the conference, you exhale-finally it ended.

Because you are a little different in real life, and for online communication you use a more expressive, more tense image.

For almost a month I was in Moscow, one for self -isolation.

Probably, loneliness was diluted a little.

But still, this is quite far from what should be.

I already have a lot of calls for work, and I also need to get together and enjoy the date, ”says Andrei.

What we understood about relations due to self-isolation The pandemic gave the opportunity to look from the side at social and anthropological norms, says Oksana Moroz, culturalist, associate professor of Shaninka, creative director of the Yegor Gaidar Foundation.

For example, not for everyone, self -isolation has turned into a test of loneliness.

Some of the increased volume of online communication, on the contrary, as if immersed in the epicenter of the crowd.

And others were forced to encounter the characteristics and habits of their loved ones, which did not pay attention to before.

As a result, everyone had to rebuild the relationship – both with others and with themselves.

Photo: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock “Firstly, I had to admit that everyone is always in a relationship-with others, with themselves.

And these relations require special regulations.

To maintain emotional well -being in yourself and around you at least during the period of quarantine restrictions, you need to configure relationships with the outside world.

For example, determine the daily routine, decide to revise the balance between work and leisure.

And you also need to be able to negotiate with others about the rules of mutual behavior, because default attitudes no longer work.

And these new conventions concern both household behavior and business etiquette.

In fact, it was necessary to reduce their boundaries and carefully treat the borders and triggers of others.

Although, as can be seen from network discussions, many decided to simply compensate for social deprivation with fierce online disposals for significant and not very reasons, ”says Oksana Moroz.

The second lesson of self -isolation is an understanding that relations and communications are necessary to configure.

People instantly ordered the opportunity to preserve or interrupt communication, draw digital attention or hide from it.

“Someone needed permanent online meetings with friends and even strangers-in online bars or as part of online business.

And someone with pleasure abandoned these external communicative incentives and tried to “relax”-both from friends and, scary to say, relatives.

This is the difference that vulgarly can be described as a conflict of introverts and extroverts, demonstrated differences in life styles.

And, perhaps, she showed what the ratio of private and public behavior that in different societies is the dominant “norm”, which can only be abandoned under the threat of emergency, ”says Oksana Moroz.

The third discovery for many was the rethinking of their own loved ones, partnerships.

Previously, the discrepancy between the expected and valid in the partner did not lead to a revision of the relationship.

But during self -isolation, such differences became more noticeable and perceived more intensively.

It was also possible to observe a strategy for behavior in which people deliberately abandoned close relationships, says Oksana Frost: “Finally, quarantine allows you to raise the question of the identity of the singles – those people who do not practice close long -term relationships due to circumstances, from worldview reasons or considerations of convenience.

Singles are not about loneliness, but about the chosen atomicity.

It seems that during the pandemic, on the contrary, it would be nice to have external support.

But, on the other hand, atomicity allows you to get used to self -sufficiency and, indirectly, to avoid crowding and, possibly, the dangers of infection.

” What will happen next Online-seeing was before, says Olga Kitaina, psychologist and founder of Alter.

For example, some couples maintain relationships at a distance for a long time – for them the video calls are the only way to maintain closeness in communication.

But for everyone else, this is rather a search for diversity.

It is unlikely that people will more often choose such a format when all restrictions are removed.

“Online, it is impossible to feel some physical things: how a person moves, how nice it smells, what he is to the touch.

Forsy and tactile sensations can be quite important, and for some they are priority, ”says Olga Kitaina.

It is easier for some to relax at online communication, the psychologist says.

For example, someone is ready to afford more in terms of flirting.

But the rules of communication here are the same-that which would offend in a personal meeting will touch on online people.

Dates at Zoom is a sign of the current situation, Andrei believes.

You can spend several evenings at romantic online meetings and feel your involvement in the circumstances in which the whole world ended up.

“I do not think that online visions will remain after the abolition of all restrictions.

We just live in such an interesting time when it doesn’t work out differently.

This is unusual, and you can try such a format to remember this time.

But nothing more.

It seems to me that online communication will not replace real meetings.

This is not a business call, but for the soul.

Let us have half an hour, but personal communication.

Because it gives a much more understanding what kind of person is in front of you, ”says Andrei.

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